Tag Archives: Relationships

Don’t waste your Love

We learn throughout our life. Every single attribute of our actions are the result of those learnings.

But the first thing that engulfs our heart and body is a feeling called Love. It’s our first connection to this world. Our whole existence is the result of Love only.  And our mother, the first source of this feeling.

As we grow we come across several forms of Love. A pure, deep and unconditional Love from our mother, a protective, supportive and influential Love from our father,  a sweet and sour yet affectionate Love from our brother’s and sister’s and a passionate and trustful Love from our life partner.

So much Love in our life, so much learnings.  There’s no doubt that we love our parents, brother’s and sister’s or our life partner as much as they do.

But personally, sometimes I feel I have failed in showing my love to them. Sometimes there is a fear inside of me that this life might prove to be less to tell them how much I love them. And more to add to this is the fact that I have already wasted half of my life!

As a kid, I’ve been demanding, then on reaching my teen age I became a little rebellious and stubborn person. But now after all these years, I realize that all those time I had been wasting my love and care for my parents. It’s not that I didn’t loved them or cared about them then, but as much as I kept that all  inside, not telling them how I feel about them, my actions didn’t suggested my feelings too!

I’m 23 now, And I am happy that I am past all of that silliness or should I say, my ignorance. I have become a better, improved version of myself. A more responsible and wiser one.  But still sometimes I fear of all the time wasted, I fear whether I will ever be  able to tell them how much I love, care and adore them. How much I want to make them happy, proud and bring their dreams to meet the reality.

I am trying now. And I believe that I will.

So don’t just wait for any time to come and sweep away all your problems so that you could show your Love to your loved ones. It may be now or never! You never know what’s next.

Keep aside your outer world’s  problems, and tell your parents, your siblings, your  life partner or your kids that you love them, that you are there with them no matter what comes.

Last but not the least, Smile. For every smile on your face, will bring a smile to their’s.

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Unspoken Words

These words bounded within me,
they bruise me, hurt me and burden me.

They want to get out,
they need to be said out loud.

Sometimes it gets hard to keep them inside,
to try and sleep while they lie beside.

I wish they were like leaves on a tree,
once dead they would have fallen and left me free.

But its a wish that cannot be true,
’cause these words just keep piercing me like a screw.

I want to unload, unburden myself,
to throw away all that’s on my heart’s shelf.

Every now and then, to the limit of stagnation,
I try so hard to mould these words, out of my tears, anger and frustration.

So many times in my head,
till it breaks me to dropdead,

I keep tossing them, not that I complain
one time and then again and again.

I feel I would succeed this time,
to break the glass with their chime.

The words within me,
The walls that I had to be.

But the moment I turn them out,
by peeling my skin inside out.

I see my chance slipping away by yards,
my unspoken words falling like a house of cards.

It’s your words that all I hear,
sinking mine to my fear.

And before I can realize,
it’s me, once again who pays the price.

You tell what you think,
your learnings, memories and whatever that links.

Once again I lost the battle of words,
the hope to get them out into this world.

The hope of you to listen, not just hear,
to help me out, not leave things unclear.

But may be this is the way it all has to be,
there’s no such thing here called as a key.

To unlock whats locked in me,
to let you near what all that you cannot see.

These words would just be within me,
killing, tearing and bruising the inside of me.

But does it matter, any of it all?
’cause I know at the doorstep of your heart,
my words are going to fall.

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A Letter to My Friend

I know you are smiling on reading the title itself. That’s what I’ve always wanted and will always want. To see you smile. I love your smile, you know it. It has always been my source of happiness and strength through tough times. Now you would say, ” you too have been my strength all of the time.” I know, you are such a darling.

We both are each others support system and will always remain that throughout our lives .That’s the kind of believe I have on our friendship. We both have.

You know that you are the one person I can truly open up to. But, I often feel that I don’t tell you how much I love you, how much I care about you and how much I have learned from you.

You really are, a great person. Not just in words but in real. A great friend, who will go and walk that every possible extra mile to just get me going. A friend who will never hesitate to make any effort to make me feel right even in the wrongest time.
You say that I am the strongest person you know. I’ll tell the secret behind it my dear friend, it’s YOU. You are truly my source of strength, my courage. I have seen you grow as a person through everything life has brought your way and that makes me love you even more.

You tell me that you’ve learned a lot from me. That always makes me wonder, because it’s you who have always taught me so many wonderful things. To be strong, to be smiling, to be tough, to be unconditionally loving, to be patient, to be calm. You always leave me astonished about how you really manage to be calm and patient even in the toughest time. You think that you need to improve a hell lot. No! You are just perfect the way you are. Your flaws are a part of who you are and I wouldn’t want to change any of it for anything in this world. Yes! By that I also mean not wanting you to stop cracking your pathetic jokes at times! I even love them!  I admire how you don’t even mind laughing out loud at your own self! It’s so innocent and yet so crazy!

I love the fact that you adore the person in me, everything in me, so much. It gives me so much strength, but it hurts me equally when you measure yourself  low on scale sometimes. I have always told you that I have so much faith in you. So much faith in your potential. I just know that you will one day surely make all of your dreams come true.

Times can be tough sometimes, very tough. And I know that you are tougher than that. I’ve always seen the tougher you in the toughest times. I love that  ‘never say never’ warrior in you. He inspires me to smile and step ahead every time I face hard time. You inspire me.

Just be the way you are and keep walking. I know that day is not so far when you will reach your destination. Just trust me! Just trust my guts as you always do.

One more thing that I sometimes keep to myself.

I miss the time when you were here. I really do.
Every time I felt bad, I used to call you- you were here. Every time I felt annoyed, I used to call you- you were here. Every time I felt sad, you were here. Here with me, by my side sometimes giving me the courage to face my fears, sometimes your shoulder to cry upon, sometimes an open ear to hear my heart talking. It was such a beautiful time.
Now that we are miles miles apart and I still call you whenever I need you,  and you still always, are with me. May be not physically but emotionally. Always.

As much as I know that you are always with me, it sometimes breaks me. I miss you. I miss you a lot. I miss your smiling face, always succeeding in making me smile. Your kind look, always comforting me. Your crazy jokes, always making me laugh out loud. Your lovely surprises, always “awwww-ing” me. Your no-ways-leaving-any-chance-of-teasing me.

I miss all and many more.
But the funny thing is that this miles distance apart thing even couldn’t help me with all of your teasings! You still tease me, and I still love every moment of it. You still tell me crazy things and I still laugh out like crazy. You still manage to “awwww” me with your sweet surprises.

You have been a blessing for me. And I thank God for letting me have a friend like you.

Even though it was me who came by first to say Hi. But it was you who came by my side when I was in much need for a friend, and since then you’ve continued to stand by me against all odds. Always ready to be there when I need you. Always knowing how I am actually feeling, even at the slightest hint. And then making every possible effort to lighten me up. Always supporting me with all of my endeavors. I feel so good when I get appreciation from you. And you always, without fail praise me in everything! And Yes! I always wonder why, but you somehow manage to find something good, even out of my mistakes! How you really do that!? You know I always say that you are spoiling me. And you really are! But alright, I even love that! 😛

How you so much love every single post on my blog. Don’t you understand I want to( and I really have to) improve so much! And you still think I am great! But thank you so much for all your support, really. Its always so good to hear your lovely thoughts about my work.  You are always showing me how much potential I have. Even in the times when I give up all hope in myself.

Things become so spotless when you help me clean  my view, my mind. You so lovingly help me in clearing all the clouds off my mind and make the sky clearer and stars to shine.

There’s so many things I want to say to you and have been trying to, throughout this letter. But it’s just so much that it’s hard to put it all here. So hard! You can actually see me fighting throughout the letter! Does it even make any sense? I just sat down and have been writing since then. So many things are flowing through my mind, so many emotions all at once! I am actually experiencing a mental-paralysis! Yes! I know, I even forgot the word “paralysis” and again, yes this was the reason I text-ed you asking the random out-of-nowhere question inquiring about the word. Now you got it!? And Can you imagine I even lost all my sanity to the level that I forgot that I could just google it!!!  Alright! Alright!! You can laugh! But I guess it is likely to happen. Not because I’ve gone all mad! But because the countdown has begun my dear!

IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY DEAR!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you a beautiful and the most successful year ahead. May God keep you blessed and bring about all the most beautiful blessings your way all your life!

God has blessed me in the sweetest and the most beautiful way and I always thank him for it. The blessing of knowing you, the blessing of having a friend like you.

May God be with us, keep showering his love and blessings on us and keep us together, always.

Happy Birthday! 🙂

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The Newspaper technique Vs Ours

Torn Paper

I am the eldest sister to my two brothers. The youngest brother being a special child. He is an autistic child, mostly dependent on us for various things. Though by God’s grace he does not have the highest degree of autism and still is very much capable of doing some usual necessary things on a daily basis.
He can get up out of the bed in the morning, brush his teeth, eat food, can manage to take a bath, wear clothes on his own(and is very much choosy in that area! Very!!) and various other things.
Although to eat he needs to be served, to take a bath he needs us to check the water’s temperature first, since he had a bad experience with extremely hot water once, he needs our support sometimes while walking or climbing stairs and many other things.
He manages everything while having occasional outbursts and tough times for him as well as for us.
Although lately he has developed another habit, which we are trying hard to get rid of. He tears every paper he lays his eyes on, into numerous little pieces, one by one. Daily newspapers, sometimes even the unread ones, important memos, diaries, notes, every possible thing! No matter how soft or how harsh way we try on him, we would always find tiny hundreds of torn out paper pieces peeping through every drawer, books(with only the hardcover left with the whole content in tiny pieces lying inside them) and every possible place he thinks is hidden from us. It is annoying, it is frustrating.
But today I got a chance of actually learning to look at it differently or say it actually taught me to look at everything else differently, while in the middle of a little “mutual induction” situation at home.
Now you must be wondering “Mutual induction situation?”
Yeah, mutual induction!
What is basically a mutual induction?
” The production of an electromotive force in a circuit resulting from a change of current in a neighbouring circuit.”
Now that is an electrical phenomena, but let’s see it in a other way.
You had a fight with your friend, you come home all fumed up with anger and frustration. At home your mother have prepared family’s favourite dessert, your father had just returned from an outdoor tour and everyone at home is looking forward to having a good family time. You enters home still submerged in your frustration. And every inch of you is angry and in disgust which is visible to every eye. But somehow your parents tries to lighten you up, your sister tries to tease you so that you’d smile. But BOOM! You already have too much problems to handle than laugh at her silly jokes or sit and spend a good time with your family. And one by one your frustration, stress, annoyance, depression is being reflected on each one sitting at the dinner table. And the to-be good family time becomes a stressful time for everyone.
“The production of stressful force in everyone else resulting from a changing negative force in you.”

So sitting there disgusted at the way things turned out entirely opposite to what was expected, I heard a repeated sound, of newspaper being torn apart. I, immediately again disgusted was about to scold my brother when suddenly a thought crippled up in my mind. Is this, a better way to combat stress? Tearing newspaper is a way he combats his stress(Although he usually do that away from everybody’s sight). At that time, he too was affected by the whole environment, hence he started tearing the nearest newspaper he could lay his hands on.
So I wondered, which is better?
Tearing newspapers or tearing emotions apart?
Making pieces out of a paper or out of our loved one’s minimal expectations?
Like many other times, this time too I felt my brother’s intelligence way above than ours!
Like how he forgets our scoldings or bad behaviour within some moments and laughs, talks and enjoy with us as if nothing happened.
How he puts a pure form of trust on us without a speck of doubt in his mind. How he happily, hardly without any fuss, eat the meal we provide to him. How he trusts our judgement of the water’s temperature while he goes to bath, even after having a terrifying experience with hot water.
How he trusts us that we will not leave his hand while he climbs up the stairs.

Can we forgive others so easily? Can we trust even ourselves with that kind of trust, let alone others!
How often do we trust others judgement of our problems, our sufferings. We just believe that our problems, our sufferings are greater than what others think.
It’s hard for us to shrug off our problems outside the door, to wipe off our stress and anger on the doormat before entering in. It’s hard for us to forget about something that bothers us, for a moment and enjoy the time with our loved ones who looks up to us.

We have got a lot to learn from my brother and many more of others like him.
We love him a lot, but the enormous amount of love and affection that we receive from him is just ineffable. If you are fortunate enough to somehow know an autistic person, you know what exactly I’m talking about. We love him a lot, he’s the apple of our eyes and just about everyone who knows him. He’s just a great source of positivity. I hope to learn myself a lot from him and wish that you too learned a bit today.
Like my sweet little brother, never let that SMILE leave your enlightening face. 🙂

P.S: Though, My family and I, are trying hard to help him to get rid of this “newspaper tearing habit”. If anyone of you have some great (and possibly sure) way to help us improve and understand him better, so that we can help him with this. Please be kind to let me know. I will be very grateful. Thanks in advance! 🙂

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